one two three fourrrrnication!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
