i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
