butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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