Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
