guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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