There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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