you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
