Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
