i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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