i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
