What did we do last night that was yellow?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
