So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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