then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
