It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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