is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
