He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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