You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
