Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
