i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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