my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
