I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
