In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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