She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Help. Why am I so naked?
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