mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were trust falling into bushes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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