dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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