I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
