So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Come see our sink grown plant.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dicks are not precious.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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