Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Jerry, you need to find god
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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