there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
