we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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