We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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