she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
