how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
