Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
