I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
