I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
