Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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