dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
