To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
