her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
