I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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