All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
