im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
