i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
