he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
