Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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