just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
