i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
