did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
