he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
