david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
