She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
