eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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