Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
