I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
