if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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