I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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