so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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