I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
