Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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