fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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