i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
