ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
