I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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