Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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