I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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