I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
