DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
