I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
